Government Humor, nyuck nyuck

The Federal Government is not widely known for its forays into the realm of humor. Indeed, the phrase “government humor” would fit comfortably on any list of oxymorons, especially one written during tax season. Imagine my surprise, then, to discover a humor section on the government’s own Plain Language web site. The site itself is intended to reinforce the Plain Writing Act of 2010, which requires that federal agencies use “clear Government communication that the public can understand and use.”

One of the site’s humor pages offers up a list of rules, titled “How to Write Good.” The list was written by ad man Frank L. Visco, and originally published in the June 1986 issue of Writers’ Digest. The list appears on several sites in addition to that of our government. Make sure, as you read each item, that you savor the irony — and don’t miss the one in the introductory sentence!

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I’m Not Judging You

I’m not scolding you, either. But I will point out, for what seems like the zillionth time, that how you speak and write — i.e., the way you present yourself to the world — has an impact on the world’s opinion of you. With that in mind, I was gratified to stumble upon a Facebook group called “I judge you when you use poor grammar,” and to learn that it boasts a membership of more than 430,000 like-minded souls. Continue reading

Lin-guistics Lessons

Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird … it’s a plane … it’s a Phoenix?

No. It’s a Knick. I first took notice when “Linsanity” started trending on Twitter. Then I heard Lin’s story on NPR. (There has to be a very long arm for a sports story to reach me.) And what a feel-good story it is: A Chinese basketball nobody rises — like a Phoenix — to become a worldwide somebody in just a week. It’s been Lincredible!

Yes, the combinative possibilities of Jeremy Lin’s last name have incited an near riot  of neologisms — newly coined words — and jumping in the fray is proving virtually irresistible. As a word meme, “It beats ‘Tebowing‘ for me,” says one panelist on the “What’s Trending” video cast, Real Time Conversation, where Lin-erisms get batted around like bad-Lin-ton birdies amidst gleeful “Linning” gestures — a photo fad with people forming fake nerd glasses with their hands around the eyes. Continue reading

Comma Contest Results

The number of entries in last Thursday’s comma contest didn’t cause too much congestion in the Ballpoint inbox, but the responses we did get were awfully clever. Just by way of an aide-mémoire, we asked for sentences whose meanings would be altered by the absence, presence, or positioning of a comma. On Friday we posted a four-word sentence — Stop clubbing baby seals — that, depending on punctuation, has four distinct meanings.

Here’s another example, which happens to be the title of a surprisingly successful book on punctuation: Eats, Shoots & Leaves. As originally punctuated, the phrase calls to mind a hunter (or, if you prefer, a photographer) who has a snack, takes a shot at his target, and then walks away. Remove the comma and a different story, one of a friendly herbivore, is told.

Then there’s the vintage story about a wife sending a cablegram from Europe to her husband for permission to buy a $75,000 bracelet. Her message ends “May I buy it?” His reply “No price too high” sent her into paroxysms of joy — and back to the jewelry store waving a wad of cash from the bank. Alas, the comma had been omitted — he’d’ meant to send this reply: ”No, price too high.

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Diagram My Valentine

www.English-Grammar-Revolution.com

Elizabeth O’Brien of English Grammar Revolution — Grammar the Easy Way — is our 2012 Valentine. We love how she took her insecurity in grammar and turned it into a strength. Her innovative and accessible approach to Sentence Diagrams is designed to help others who are teachers, writers, and copyeditors be more confident. Bravo for your work, Elizabeth. And thanks for the Puppy Love graphic!

Lovelace, from #OEDonline on Twitter: n.: A seducer, a libertine. Derives from the name of Robert Lovelace, a character in Samuel Richardson’s novel Clarissa (1747–8).

Colon Forth

"Punctuation Personified"

No less than correct word and phrase usage, good punctuation can be critical to quickly grasping the meaning of a sentence, either outright or its possible nuances. Lately, we’ve focused on the common comma because its misuse is often so problematic in casual writing. (HAPPY NOTE: We’re giving you an extra day to enter our comma contest. Winners will receive a promo copy of Phrase Wit.)

Somewhat rarer in everyday writing (emails and texts), colons recently were the subject of one of our favorite language bloggers, Liz Bureman (“Liz here”) of The Write Practice, who writes with a self-professed grammatically correct snarkiness. (Is there any other way? Meow!) Her humorous opener in a recent post about the colon starts off snappily (if not snarkily): “We’re going to talk about the cousin of the semicolon, the colon. No, not that one. Gross.”

Seal-ed with a Comma

Today’s dose of cute, which has been popping up all over the social media universe, comes to us from the clever folks at Motifake. Aside from providing a bit of Disco Era nostalgia — do today’s clubs have bottom-lit dance floors? — it demonstrates the importance of punctuation to the meaning of some sentences.

It might also serve as inspiration for your entry in yesterday’s comma contest, the winners of which get free copies of Phrase Wit. Woo hoo! And to guide you in crafting an entry, here’s a link to a few more examples of the power of punctuation.)

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Comma Chameleon (+ A Contest!)

(There’s a contest at the end of this post. Free Phrase Wit copies to winners!)

Comma comma comma comma comma cha-me-le-on. You come and go. You come and go, oh-OH-oh.

Has everyone just given up on this little squiggle? These little worms are the subject of much punctuation paranoia and angry anarchy: “Oh, I’m not sure where the comma goes, so I’ll just put it here! Or leave it out! Or not even think about it in the first place because you know what I’m trying to say.” — Don’t you?

No. I don’t.

Direct from the Greek, the word comma (κόμμα) means something cut off, or a short clause. In written sentences, commas help us to understand the intended meaning of something that would otherwise be conveyed by rhythm of speech and tone of voice. Rules followed conventions, and we follow the rules. Mostly.

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Stuff that Happened

On the eve of Facebook’s historic initial public offering, everyone from NPR’s “On the Media” to the New York Times Opinion pages is reminding us that “Facebook is Using You” and that your browsing history can redline you more insidiously than a dicey zip code.

The above image is a screen capture of my browser’s drop-down History display. It’s a historical record of the sites I most recently visited. A quick look will reveal very little of any significance, which is probably a good thing. (On the other hand, you notice I’m not revealing my “Full History.” Ahem.) What’s the difference between Facebook’s “historic” event and my “historical” record? Even before it happens, Facebook’s IPO is deemed to be historic, i.e., important. My browser history is decidedly not important, even if I’m denied credit because guitar players are notoriously poor risks. Stuff that happened but that’s not important is historical. Continue reading

Did Madonna Lip Sing?

It’s about time to add a new pair of confusing phrases to Phrase Wit: lip synching and lip singing. Howard Stern noted on his satellite morning show today that the phrase was  misused in the flap about Madonna’s half time performance during last night’s Super Bowl. It’s nice that Howard cares about language, even if he famously doesn’t “watch his language” per se. #lipsinging was a popular thread on Twitter, with only one or two call-outs on the mangle of the phrase.

Wait, what? Madonna was lip synching? At the types of live events I attend — sad singer-songwriters, jam bands, grand opera, to name three — lip synching never comes up. As a result I’m not terribly au courant on the subject. A bit of research pulled the wool from my eyes, and I learned that many of today’s pop stars don’t sing at their concerts. What they do is perform, which turns out to be quite a different thing. That’s fine. I don’t care, and apparently those stars’ fans don’t either. Continue reading